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So as far as telling friends and family goes goes, I absolutely SUCK at this!

Once they know, I am totally fine. I am happy to answer any questions they have, and walk & talk them through everything if they want the whole scoop.

But that initial bomb ... wowza! It's a tough one for me.

So tough, that I've avoided telling a lot of people who I know would want to know.

Even (most of) the small circle of friends who I have told only got part of the story until now. I left out the part where the cancer had spread to my liver.

Why, you ask?

Who knows.

I think "breast cancer" vs "metastatic breast cancer with spread to the liver" seemed a little less daunting, and was a slightly easier story for me to tell. I mean finding out that someone you care about has breast cancer is scary enough without finding out that it has spread ... am I right?

As for the friends who I haven't told yet? Well, they're finding out now - via this blog.

And before you say it, I know it's a shitty way to let them find out. I'm well aware of that. But, if I'm being honest, it has been one of the biggest stressors for me throughout this entire process.

I have yet to figure out a way to share this news without feeling HORRIBLE about the grenade I've just dropped.

So instead, I come up with excuse after excuse as to why I should put it off until tomorrow.

It isn't a denial thing. Or the worry about it becoming "too real". Or even that it is too difficult a subject. That isn't it at all.

My friend Sherry (aka BigCat) was trying to help me figure it out the other day, and I think it boils down to my not wanting people to treat me differently, or to feel bad (or worse, sorry) for me.

I'm a super independent chick. I'm single. I've been self-employed for 15+ years. I'm used to fixing problems and taking care of shit on my own.

And I know that everyone is going to want to help in anyway they can. I certainly do when the shoe is on the other foot.

And while it's wonderful that I have the support system that I do, and I know there's nothing wrong with needing help, I guess I kinda feel like "needing help" will somehow make me look weak.

Even as I type that I realize how ridiculous it is. But, it's the ugly truth, and I started this blog with the intention of being fully transparent, so there you have it friends!

Anyways, and with all that being said, I really am doing well. So much so that I actually (and legitimately) do not need any help. I'm perfectly able to do everything now that I was able to do before starting treatment - only perhaps a little slower on certain days.

And, to all of my amazing friends & family; in the event that I reach a point where I do need help, I'll get over myself and ask. I promise!


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